This Life of Mine

March 20, 2009

Cian writes:
My story is a lot like many others. Stereotypical, if you will, of an ‘addict’. However, I reckon it is unique because it is my story and mine alone. Dysfunctional within the family – check…Abuse within the home – check…the inevitable ‘broken home’ – check…self loathing, self abuse, self destruction – check, check, check!!! Now, was my life really that bad? Well, that is a lesson in relativity, in certain regards yes and in others, not at all. The bottom line is I could not and would not deal with my issues even with a gun to my head.

I ran from place to place, lover to lover, drug to drug, all with the hopes of starting over, finding a love that would fill the void in my heart and the drugs, of course the drugs to numb the pain – the pain of loss, the pain of memory, the pain of existence. And then boom!!! You hit the ground like a doomed plane that has run out of gas, crumbled, smashed, destroyed. And within this debris of hurt and suffering help comes to pick you up and help put you back together. And, of course, the ones who in the past I blamed for my hurt (my family) are the one who saved me from myself. An opportunity to help right the things that are wrong with me. I am truly grateful for my life, my family and this opportunity that I have within Caritas Project. Even though at times my words and actions are on the contrary, ultimately I am grateful and blessed.